Looking over from the Mangalore coastline

As I look out at the open vast ocean in front of me I felt strangely calm .
All the fire in me mitigated to energy all the tiredness
changed to a rejuvenated mind .
All the past follies were let to rest the intoxication of highest highs
and lowest ebbs ceased to matter .
Tranquillity engulfed me the vitality moved me and the sound of waves
beckoned as if I've been hypnotised .

I felt one with the vast ocean and yet felt so small in front of such a limitless body .

The hues of the Arabian Sea met the shades of the clear skies and almost perfectly complemented each other .

The golden sun glistening away in the horizon .......
the birds fly leaving minute bird foot print trails in the wet sands...........

I close my eyes and I can envision the sea spread out like an infinite continent of blue satin robe the sounds of the magical waters that cascade and rise splash and gush rhythmically .

We sat hours mesmerised by the greatness and the beauty of this body in front of us ,
oblivious to our surroundings .

Voices in the distance rung out ..... sounds of plain life ,
the din and clutter was so far away it felt like paradise
as if we could see and feel but not be stirred .

My life came in images of family, friends, the great success,
love, lust, fleeting happiness, despairing lows.
The questions unanswered. The answers.
The peace that I was in pursuit of didn't elude me it was within me,
within the ocean so big, it was between us .

I felt Calm .
I felt at peace from wandering ghosts , haunting skeletons and lonely shadows.
I was with myself as if I stood the test of waters and felt untouched by the sands of times .

I didn't just hear I could listen .................
I didn't breathe I respired the sounds and smells ...................
I didn't just exist I lived that moment .........

I live it from that moment on replay it and feel the waves wash away my tired feet time and again .

As I listen to its sound with the conch purchased at the shoreline petty shop .
It was blissful .
It think was the trip , the company of great friends and of course Mangalore .
I will let all those Mangis brag about their hometown tis was truly beautiful !

from the REAL ME to the REAL world

Maate I have always thought you are very talented . More than that I have respected you for what you have always stood up for . You might have gone wrong at several instances slipped ...... dumped got dumped got stabbed but you had the grace to carry yourself out of each and every sticky , heart breaking embarrassing situation with such dignity .
I have often complimented you about every small thing not cause I fan you or something like that I have always admired your will .... the will to survive through all the rubbish that might have happened .....your will your character and your dignity is far beyond any other girl I HAVE SEEN .

I have a checkered past.
I have made many follies found foes in friends backed away shattered heart broken and in total dis belief I have chosen to believe knaves as helping hands truth as tales .
I chose to be oblivious only because the goodness in me will die with the badness outside .

I am totally and completely in love with that phrase
see the good in others, take what is good and leave whats bad .

Yes its a bane to be born this way and I can't kill myself cause of the big bad world .
My parents and my friends love the way I am just as I am .....
no false pretences no bitching and no questions ......
I am that naive wanna be mature wanna be hard to get but yet totally senti mental !
I cannot and will not forget the good that has been done to me by a few .... and I will
forgive the bad that has been by those few.....
I am a complicated mass fibre with emotions that bind and gag ,
with principles that quiver with storm but will never be uprooted .

I care about every living thing and sometimes non living too .....
I am like that .... what can I do ..... ?

Ppl have taken my silence as my patience my madness as my weakness .....
Each and every thing I've said and done has been dissected bisected stripped open and analysed all for the stupidity that I have bore silently ......
I can't believe anything anymore .... I can't be that care free KRACK child that I love being.
I can't accept that ppl have taken me for granted for so damn long .

It disgusts me that I am like this but this is what I am
this is what I have always believed in .......... and this is what I might always be like.

I am in a mode where i can't allow ppl to do this to me cause
Its taken me 7 months to get over Dumbo's coldness
3 yrs to get over that disastrous relationship and
6 years to come to terms that I am human and I have made errors .
Such small ones that I don't remember them but its repercussions are what even till date ppl hold that against me .
It has been so difficult to fight all those battles meet all those criticisms as if they didn't affect me .
It has been difficult to put that smile and walk out of the house believing that
I AM THE BEST BUT KNOWING SO WELL EVERYONE ELSE WOULD LAUGH AT THAT SAME IDEA .
It has been most difficult that time and again its those people that have let me down . At every junction at every cross road at every fall and rise !
I am finally free liberated from my own beliefs freed from the shackles of false friendships and ugly pretences !
I HAVE FINALLY COME OF AGE AND I WILL SURVIVE JUST AS I HAVE ......
With or without people !

In my infinite wisdom I re read IF by Rudyard Kipling
*takes a bow and twirls the imaginary skirt around !*