This is were I belong

It's graduation today rather a few more hours to go .....

I've been in the portals of Mount Carmel College for the past four years it's alomost like
every tree knows my voice ,
every wall knows my touch ,
every dog responds to me calling it ( btw dogs are an integral part of mcc) .

This is the place where I came of age ,
where I had my first crush , My first heart break ,
My first kiss ,
The first drink ,
The frst class I bunked , The first date ,
The first cat fight , My first elections ,
My first fest , my first play ,
My first trip alone to iit povai ,
The first trip abroad ,
The first attendance shortage problem ......
And many more firsts .....

I have met people who have taught me so many things about life and it's strange ways .
Some who in ther wierdness freaked me out (siham ) some a true delight ,
many more who in their own ways have shaped the person I am .

These four years have just gone by so quickly ......
As i sit back and ponder images come through of laughter , of the times I got caught for sleeping in class ,
the taste of success , the union in Puc and now in the degree .
I am so fortunate to have had such adventurous experiences and some great friends .

As another batch graduates I feel a part of my self will leave me .
I have been really close to these seniors neglecting my classmates and now
barely having any friends in my batch !

How am i gonna manage ?
There will be no familiar face to greet me through the campus
no one to take my ass , no one to go cry to ,
no one to shout at me ....
Oh I am gonna miss em !

Why do ppl have to part ?
Why can't we always be with the ppl we like .
I think the hardest thing to say is good bye .

We may be miles apart , the coarse of life may take us towards differnt corners
but I'm sure one thing will never change that is the love for each other all those
lovely times spent will be cherished .

Full senti is happening i'm gonna , miss these guys sooo much .

I wish

When I was small .
I'd read Enid Blyton and dream that one day I'd go to the mountains in a caravan .
Fly into te skies .
Chase smugglers .
Explore castles and dungeons.
Make secret night trips .
Have a larder filled apple tarts , pinapple cakes and appricot pies .
Have a dog I'd keep in my cycle carriage .
Have mysteries to solve .

Go down to the stream and bathe .
Take a boat to an island .
Take a trip in an air balloon .
Whistle .
Work in a circus .
Ride on a lion .
Play with tigers .
Talk to the trees .
Meet elves and tooth fairies .
Eat lots of cotton candy and ice creams .
Climb big mountains and swim across the sea .
Find treasure and gold coins .
Play in the night wit the moon and stars .

Why do we grow out of such dreams ........

Wish you were here

Wish you were here

To see the rise and fall of the waves ,
To smell the air around the sea ,
To taste sweet salt .

To hear the hissing of the shells ,
To feel the warmth of my arms ,
To stir to the noise of the big waves ,
To walk the sandy shores hand in hand ,
To lie naked among the ruins ,
To bask in the sun ,
To make sand castles ,
To feel the earth and close your eyes to open them
to find the stars looking down at you .

Wish you were to hear my soothing voice singing folk songs ,
To see my eyes that speak of immense love for you ,
To understand what i want to say ,
To see what I could do to you

Oh I wish you were here .

Today

It's three in the noon .
I'm sitting in the U room , smelling stale food .
Enjoying the music , and feeling so happy .

Well today is one of those days that makes you feel so elated .
The weather is perfect the ground is spread with yellow and brown leaves shed from tall trees .
The wind blows through your hair sometimes whispers things in your ears.
The sun is out peeps through cotton woolly clouds .
I feel like jumping and singing out loud .
I feel like doing cart wheels and giggling like mad .
There's that spring in my step and if I could whistle I'd do just that .
Life seems perfect almost I just need to loose a little weight eat a little less study a little more
but otherwise everything is going great .

It's holi .
I'm going to get my face smeared with colours and drink Bhang .
I just love this festival it signifies happiness that after a spell of dry winter the cries of birds beings the season of spring , a season of hope and life .
The place looks so beautiful .
You should see the yellow flower trees in B'lore .
The side walks are carpeted with fallen flowers and leaves.
The old and young come out for evening walks .

All the morose souls I feel get a lease of new life .
The bright sunny days and cool evenings ......

Ah! Why am I feeling so happy I know not . Just that happy sorta high after a tequila shot.
Today the sort of day I would want to thank my friends for being there for making me who I am , my parents for bearing with me, and all the ppl who have taught me something about life and it's strange ways .

Wish I could fly into tat far away horizon,
Wish I could sit on that rainbow and inspect every hue ,
Wish I could run into open fields with the wind in my hair and the sand in my feet,
Wish I could climb up a mountain peak and smell fresh pine,
Wish I could swim in the huge ocean , Play with lambs,
Jump into space and drift away ,
Wish I could make everyone around me feel as happy as I'm feeling today
Wish I could have more days like this .

I'm soooo happy yipee!

While I rant

If you want to leave foot prints in the sands of times
Stop sitting on your butt all you will leave is butt prints.....

Nobody is perfect but I am nobody

When I was a child I caught a glimse ,
out of the corner of my eye .
I turned to look but it was gone .
I cannot put a figer in it now .
The child is grown the dream has gone .
I have become comfortably numb......

Pink Floyd

Art of hating

Things I hate ........


I hate it when ppl ask you
so what do you wanna do ?
Thats the most humilating question when you haven't figured out
the answer when your twenty.....
I hate ppl who think looks matter .
I hate ppl who judge others without knowing them .
I hate ppl who are superficial.
I hate hypocrites .
I hate Liars actually I never study
I just happened to get some 90 in this exam you see.....

I hate ppl who don't allow me to talk .
I hate it when ppl irritate me when I wanna be alone .
I hate yelling at others .
I hate the guilt trip mum put's me thorugh .........
I've done so much for what have you done all
I ask is you to study well and speak the truth .........

I hate ppl who say crap like she's so fair ya sh'e so black ya.....
ugggg colour doesn't matter .

I hate the feeling of emptiness.
I hate loosing . I'm a terrible at accepting defeat .
I hate being wrong .
I hate being bored .
I hate being angry .
I hate ppl who get hurt by my sarcarsm.
I hate ppl who say say they understand what I'm feeling but can't comprehend what I say.

I hate sharing chocolates , kajal and shoes .
I hate ppl who don't agree with me
I hate it when things don't go my way

But what I hate the most is giving up ........and setling for mediocre .

And the award goes to.....

This is something I was subjected to some real thought provoking movies
To name a few......

Neal and Nikki.....

Yes I'm the Neal I'm the man rock star superstar
Nikki bakshi sweet and sexy full on rocking hot an happening .

Ahh what profound meaning that para has .
Well the movie even better .
I dragged my union friends to watch the movie much to my surprise
the movie outdid my expectations of it .
Such a moving and gripping story told admist some foreign locales a
nd groovy songs and bikini wear .
Wow one thought I was left with what lotion do you use ?
Really those bra advertisements should take a leaf out of you movie .
Sir this is far the most thought provoking movie .
Surely it was worth the Rs 55 ticket .

memorable quotes
" Your fired " " you can't fire me cause I quit " .
"What's your line "
Deep I would say if any of you discepher the meaning please enlighten me .


Mangal Pandey

This movie was about the man who started the revolt of 1857 ,
which our text books hail as the first war of Independence .
Moving really .
All that we saw was his untamed mush !
But what of it looks also is important to feel the charecter .
Not to forget the dance sequences yes yes great choreography and
just how did that fit in the story .........
still if History text books would only be so intersting !

Kwahish

This was The ambitous Mallika Sherawat debut .
The movie simply realistic . It could happen to you too.
Village girl meets city dude . Fall in love .
Whilst intense love making takes place in all places including rocks and car back seats
they bring out a point of social relevance
"Babuji aap Condom use karte hain ? "
giggle giggle sigh sigh
what a way to reach the use of Condoms to masses really great strategy to make the lay man know the importance of Condoms .
You have acted like a socially responsible citizen .
The ending the most painful ........
Mallika has cancer or TB or Brain tumour all mean the same anyways
medical terminology is of no importance .
She dies .
While the hero sobs and holds on to the girl's father .
Wow what emotion .
BTW did that mean he turned Gay .
There again you have proved to be of deep significance to make society understand that being gay is also natural it could happen to anyone you see.

To the road romeos

Well It's womens day ......
Admist all the celebration .
I stop think what are the few prviledges we enjoy .
Besides bringing in a generation we aren't really a blessed lot .
With PMS every month I won't actually call us lucky !
The labour pains it's another thing that really scares me......

Coming to things that effect me now .......
well several but the most annoying thing are these eve teasers !
You find them in most nook and crannies .....
The typical are the wanna be studs who come over and say " Nice ya "
They I rate as tolerable .

The second types The ones who do wheeles on bikes those who wear goggles even when it's not hot and sing song like " Oh ! darling please come I love you maximum "
or " what is mobile number " These all so are ok ,
though their just cracked voices are quite un bearable .

The third types are the scary creepy ones you find them with thier
d *ck hanging out or whistling at street corners .
Real pricks and some even dare to come near foot paths and vigourously stress bust with thier hand on the girls you know where..... these are the most humilating ones !
Your are so shocked that you can't react by the time you do so he has sped fast .
Real disgusting men can be . Such perverts !
I
would like to narrate a situation

My friend and I where shopping at Brigades where we spotted this typical pervert the one who leches at you, if I could I would give him a BIB yuck drool allover ,
his tongue reaching the ground .
We deceided to walk it from brigs to coms street much to our dismay he followed us ,
peeved we tried to ignore him after a while we walked faster so did he .
We not knowing what to do walked along .
After half the distance was covered our stud maccha arrives in front of us taking two steps forward reaches out for my friend's wrist twists it gives her a good boob massage and runs away while I stare ahocked .
I hate my self for that I was too shocked to r act .
After we grabbed our wits it striked us as to how close we were to getting molested .
We silently went back home .
Now it enrages me I should have atlest called him names ..... pah ! what a total looser .

Anyways there are some boys who think it's really " cool " to pass comments at passing girls well cowards it aint .
IT's highly cowardly of you guys to do something like that .

Some really cheesy lines......

"Kya cheez cut piece "
"ehh maccha 36 26 36 ra "
" What your size "
"how much do you charge "
"Aaati khandala ?"
"TOO much raa "
" hot hot raa ayo I want feel that ra "

Ya that is how corny it sounds just picture your self walking about subjected to such humiliation
It's extremely disgusting .
So do not allow eve teasers or condone such actions .
Unless you make a noise nothing will ever happen .
Cheers women we rule !
Don't let some loosers get away with such crap .

Here's to the aunties

As I said there will be more on these aunties who leave no stone unturned to torture you .

Well yesterday we had guests who wanted to see the new house ( which btw is two years old )
So they peeked around and said nice nice nindda bagundee ......
After peering around the whole house they thought they might as well
check out the inhabitants of the place .

So I was the first one .
Mum : " Why have you come shorts go change ppl have come "
I : " So ... aren't you'll ppl too"
Mum : " Don't talk too much What will they think ?"
I : " uggghh........" .

As always I had to come down and smile and say
Namaste yettla undaaru... which means hello how are you ?
So after the initial introduction I am doing B'com( Yes I colud have also done engg or medicine but you see I thought there are other professions too )
I can sing , dance and play the veena ( also bite of your ears if you ask me to
do any of those now ) .

They look at my photogaraphs a ritual every one does who visits home
After scanning through them for a while ..........

Aunty No. 1 " She looks very nice in the photos but in real life she's not so nice also "
Aunty No. 2 stares at it for two minute and then nods her head vigourously .
While mum gives that I told you to change look .

Hello ppl those are photos of a portfolio with me in dance costume and make up
like obviously I'd look diiferent in it .....
Duh you can't expect me to wear that costume
and jewellery and parade all day long ....!

After a while trying to make conversation with me
Aunty No. 1 " congardulations "
I " huh why ?"
Aunty No.2 " what a beautiful house "
I " huh..... why "
Aunty No.1 " after your father this house will be yours only no "
They nod , wink and laugh .
I sigh .....and smile politely .
What on earth was that statement supposed to mean......
how could you make such idiotic statements but then again it was them ....

After this really irritating conversation I had to serve them , a ordeal indeed
Enter me with two trays trying to balance both ......

Aunty No.1 " why all this trouble ma"
Aunty No.2 " I don't want anything " while bringing her hand forward to take a muruku !

After that they start gossiping in velocity that could beat any automobile
while mum stands nodding her politely .

Well since they have spoken about almost everyone , they think it's appropriate to ask a few more questions like
How's your husband 's business ? how much does he earn ?,
How much do you pay for your maid ?
Why do you have to work ? You don't need money , do you ?
Why did he get marries so late ( he meaning uncle ) ?

While mum tries to evade those questions I fled .

As i reached my room I heard them advice my mum why don't you put sandalwod and turmeric face pack for your daughter within ten days she will become fair ......!

Abbbha these aunties belong to some other planet ..........
Their energies peak when they have to talk about other people !
Cheers to their stories and advices .......
aunties you'll are a couple of jobless loosers !

I promise

Last night as I was trying to cram in maximum for the
Costing exam ( which btw sucked !) .
I heard the sound of gentle rain against my window pane , unable to concenterate I stood by
the window .
I wondered what my future has in store for me .
All sort of arbid things came into my mind
(ps : at most wrong times my mind will try to seek answers instead of doing whats required like mugging costing ) .

I thought of the past four years in college , It's highs and lows , All the ppl I meet and their strage ways, All the men I've seen and gradually loathed .
All the things I've learnt admist embarressment and laughter .
Some tough lessons and the growing I had to do .

I remebered the day I entered the portals of MCC i promised myself I will do whatever I felt like learn and freak out but never will I settle for
" The mediocre , never will I allow myself to perform averagely "
Thats the worst thing to do...... settle for mediocre . It's unpardonable .

I made several more promises last night as it rained .......

I promise to take things in my stride ,
never losing hope or letting my goal go out of sight ,
I promise never to let emotions come way of reasonable thinking ,
I promise never to let anyone or anything come between my dreams and me ,
I promise never to break another boy's heart ( I do feel guilty *sometimes*) .
I promise never to give up until I reach trhe mountain top
and never to let anything other than the top distract me .
I promise tha no matter where life takes me I will never forget
the small things in life
to smell the earth after a rain, to smile when I see the sunset ,
To argue with Nainamma about short tops and boys ,
to thank god for each passing day .

I promise never to give up ,
I promise to never let the child in me die ,
I promise never to loose that sense of wonderment ,
nor feel too big in front of the ocean
I promise to remain the crazy individual I am ......
I promise never to settle for mediocre

( I also promised never to study last minute but that's something I say after every exam )

How long

There are many places I've been to ..........
some through fantasy some with my father .
Every year come May we'd go on a family holiday .
Those fifteen days mum would get all the rest she'd need to battle out another year
whilst me and dad all the excercise to eat the buffet breakfast and lunch .

It's spring time .
It just rained last night the earth smells wonderful ,
it's aroma fills my nostrills and lighten's my heart .
I went out for a jog this morning and what a beautiful sight the road
was carpeted with pink and white flowers , while the birds chirped .
Yes , one can still hears such sounds in Bangalore .
As I ran along the curved road towards the lake I felt like I was on a holiday far away from the madening crowds and distance away from reality ( my prelims !!) .

An odd sorta of calm I felt being so close to Mother Nature .
I stopped to catch my breath and was real lucky to spot
a butterfly coming out it's cucoon ........

I remember the story they used tell us in school about how one day a boy in his eagerness to help the butterfly come out of it's cucoon , left it grounded for life making it unable to fly .

This sorta reminds me of my parents in their zest to protect their daugter they won't allow me to experiment and fall and learn on my own .
They try to sheild me from the real harsh world but for how long I ask?
How long will you try to hide me from the real world with rules and regulations .
Am I not old enough to learn on my own .

If you'll had your way I would probabaly would never have learnt the car or the bike or even Bungee jump but those things have taught me much that you couldn't have .
The first time I crashed into the tree made me aware of road rage and maniac drivers and of course that car repairs are expensive !
That bunjee jump I saved five hudred bucks for I felt surreal above all earthlings it was some intoxication .

Ma and dad I do know I'm impulsive and rebellious but don't you think I ought to explore the world and it's ways on my own without you guiding me .

Somehow I feel limited in this world you've shown me , in your zest to give me everything
you've probabaly given me too much or too little .

I want to do things at my will take decisions on my own and be responsible for it alone .

I have tried in vain to explain to you I have rebelled , fought endlessly ,
argued till dawn about freedom and other such things but it was turned down simply because
I am still too young .
When will you ever accept it that I have grown i'm a big gir , l I can handle my self a bank account and the car too .
I need me space too . I need to fly to spread my wings and touch the sky .

So please please let me go for that Ladhak trip with my friends
You've given me so much so many lovely holidays but this will be different .

How long should I wait
how long will it take for me to be "old enough "
Please don't turn this down ......
It's ladakh !!!!!

Some days

As one day trips into another the days seem to just pass without any difference with the usual monotonous rouutine rise and dress "NON PROVACATIVELY " and go to college.
Mundane and non inspiring life just seems to move on
I amble about without any motive or spirit .

But it's when days like these happen you feel it's worth getting up ....
Well today I went out with a Couple of my coll friends
(yes I have made a few friends besides the union) .
So after Opus BTW our regular hang out the tropical coolers are so yummy !
we went to Mojos a must be place for beer lovers .
The place is real neat Charpai's on the floor low seaters great music likes of Bob marley and Beatles and beer of course (abbbbbha ! If my mum just reads this no she'll freak out )
Some great conversations over beer .
yeah that's it !
Even last saturday was fun I met this brilliant guy who could go up in the air No i'm not kidding he can raise him self from the ground yeah levitate it's called .
He ranted some theory titled "THE HUNT " Theory it made alot of sense .
To you pi i wish i had the honour of treating you to another beer sometime may be .

The thing that most ppl lack I feel is the ability to laugh at themselves.
I mean it's hard but it's fun , see if you don't laugh at your self U may be missing out on the joke of the century !
Why i say this , as usual ppl were pulling my leg I had no come back lines only saving grace were swear words that I kept incanting but to no avail .
Pah ! the only consolation is I at least manage to entertain some ppl .
Somethings we were discussing If you could would u change the past I know there is no use dwelling on the past follies it's made me what I am but I really wish I could alter a few things .
Would save soo much embarressement ! and cut down on some wild tales !
If wishes were horses ........


So just to finish off I had fun
thanks ......
I really needed that .

As I read the other inane blogs I've written will I ever grow up !
Oh god please let me write something decent .
Something that I'd feel proud to show my children .

Well alas ! I've gotta live with the limited brains that god has generously put in my head .

This about some not nice experiences

I was in second grade after being the crowning glory in the last year's play Rumplestilskin where I played the dwarf Ram... himself guess that indeed effected my height and I remain vertically challenged .
I thought that this year too I would be a star .
Well my dreams were short lived .

My class teacher made me the crow ......
also adding that since I was BLACK I'd be perfect

How could she be so rude I was deeply hurt .
Apartheid !!! That to when most Asians are supposed to have wheatish skin .

It was then that I knew that looks did matter but my daddy said I was his little princess.
So how did I graduate to become this crow.
Well thanks to swimming in Ulsore pool but yet that was a statement that still irritates me now .

One of the several boy's I went out with had the fuckin audacity to say " You're actually charming even though your dark ! " like hello what the hell is that supposed to mean man ? Is fair beautiful ?
looser no wonder I dumped him .

WTF as a kid I remember my aunts every summer would engage in the odious task of making me fairer by scrubbing milk cream cucumber and tomato face pack but in vain .
I remained tanned for all their efforts. It didn't ever occur to me that if i was black I could never get a good looking bride groom .

Even till date in marriages those painful aunts who gossip say she's nice only her colour is little dark other wise she's a good looking girl
Pah ! will anyone tell me what the fuss is all about .
why black is beautiful , it's extremely sexy
haven't you'll heard of dusky beauties !!!

Well recently I went to marriage the worst place to be .
I get some two offers Yes I mean marriage proposals !
I don't think they know what they are asking for .
Well the usual Oh I saw you when you were this small (indicating the size of half a foot ) my you've become a big girl !
Oh I would never know if you didn't tell me .
Wow what a brilliant observation ! Really you must get the noble prize for research.
bloody it's been some fifteen years since you've seen me !
After that I got the usual.....
OH your doing B.Com ? oh why your not doing medicine or comp Engg
Bah !!! there are other professions too.... !

Well aunties and Grand mas There's more To a girl than marriage and black skin .
Will write more about the other experiences.....

AUNTIES you guys are mad !!!! jobless !!!