Lalalalalallala....

Well it's just another rainy day......!
no it's not.....it's been a fun day actually a fun week...
anyways the point is I'm in boyant spirits.... and so I'm singing lalalalalalla (those unfamiliar with the tune it's that lifebuoy add song !!)

The week started with Zidane head butting that idiotic Italian...! who would have thought that France would loose like that and Zidane would loose his calm and get a red card !
So a rather dejected me slept for three hours . Rushing to college looking like
Zoombie-just-got-up I was pleased to hear ppl voice the same opinion .....
We we're welcomed with Sr..ummmm reading out the rules loud and clear ...
Yeah ! No short " immodest " tops !
Cell phones baned etc... etc... the rest didn't matter
cause the first two almost was enough to choke us !

After all this speech I .... yes me the Fool went up on stage to ask a question . Guess what I was wearing Yup a "SHORT TOP ! " and the principal Sr ummm said it's too short dear I said sorry mentally making a note never to take of that Sweatshirt until I reach the safe vicinity of my class room ! Now how would one explain that this was medium size at West-side and even if you buy large or XL it will only be broader and not longer ! Alas such complexities cannot be understood by nuns I'm presuming ...!

That was the begining the week we had freshers week which is a week long affair but now reduced to three days from 1 'o'clock to 3 with some two-three participants for the competitions the rest stay in class warming benches and warming hearts of teachers !
So I had the honourable task of calling up a judge and asking her not to come !
yeah ! I said " generally we have lot of girls taking part but since we have 4 ppl I suggest you go back cause it's not fair " yeah it's not fair that I get to do all this ! hmmph !

Well today was different in class I got pulled up for chewing gum ! Yeah I was doing some vigourous mouth excercise so obviously I got caught !
After that we had a poetry special dedicated to our bench mate !
called Neelu " a dog's tale " pun intended .

After laughing at our terrible attempt of rhyming verses I left to judge a dance competition yes you heard right I was A JUDGE . It was a dance competition for special children
called "Rainbow " it was amazing these kids enjoyed themselves sooo much .
I was overwhelmed infact I was very moved . They were soooo adorable .
Innocence , enthusiasm and the warmth there made me feel so special .
I can't help smiling .......
It feels so good that there's so much beauty still left .... these children were amazing I have no words to explain the satisfaction and happiness I saw in every child's eye there . They seemed to be enjoying themselves dancing and clapping...... it was bliss....!

To all those kids who made my day actually my week......! Thanks for making me believe in rainbows again...... !
Lalalalala.... lalalalalalla......( tune of Ace of base's .....)

Nothing seems appropriate to say .
Nothing will mitigate this sense of desolation . Nothing can make me feel better !
I don't know why I'm so bloody upset everyone's gotta move on
and your just going to pursue studies....

Tears swell and drop like a perinial river washing abank memories of all the times spent together . Times of triumph and laughter . Momenets of just sitting together hogging away and just wasting time . Moments of bonding and bitching . Moments spent in great company .
It's ironic those "moments" that made you laugh now bring tears . Tears cause I know in college will never be same without you guys . Who will I play text twist and tetris with ? who will accompany me a zillion times to the canteen ?
With whom will I spend some umpteen hours doing absolutely nothing ?

Do you really have to go ? Why is saying good bye so difficult....?

All those times during Cul - ah ! those bike trips , hogging at sponsors for free , To that midnight trip to Shakalaka 's place . waking you up at 3 AM and asking you for gola ???? . We sure had a blast . With you you I shared a bond and only now I know how special it is .....

Yeah ! I know I sound like some emotional and sentimental fool !!!! but you wouldbe , if you realise that the whole batch is graduated and your left with some two friends and hence have to undertake the task of making friends in the final year !!!!
But I will survive .... don't have a choice do I ?????

Me

It's not easy being me...
So just let me be me...

Everyone wants to change something about me.......

Well mum for instance thinks I really need to place my head in some cold water
at least I'd get rid of that horrible temper !
Dad thinks I should stop fooling around...!

Some friends feel I'm too blunt well few others think I talk too much...
There are loads of them who want to tame me... yeah I'm wild ... !

Why can't I just be I do know that it's for my benefit....
to be accepted and liked ...
But should i really change myself just to be accepted .

Yeah I know I make alot of noise in class and disturb everyone...
Yeah I know I sleep and answer questions at the same hour ...

Yeah your right lee , I am totaly impulsive and very often made the
wrong decisins but I guess thats what made me , ME .

Yeah I'm loud ... I'm over exaggerated but thats me
Take away that from me my identity is lost...

Yeah your right I suffer from the foot-in-the-mouth disease but I've learnt ....
I've learnt that not everyone is like ME .

I can't stand to fly ...
I'm not that naive ...
I'm just out to find the better part of me...
I'm more than a bird more than a plane more than some pretty face beside a train
It's not easy to be me.....!

Crowds

I have always been fascinated with people and their queer ways .
The one time you can judge ppl is when you serve food .
Have you noticed them during weddings and free lunches ?
The stories I can tell you about them .......

Crowds .... Mobs .... Processions...... are all associated with a bunch of ppl .
What makes me so fascinated with them , there are lot of reasons .

Crowds gather to witness a shooting of a movie os serial ........
the excitement the enthusiasm just gets everyone interersted .
Crowds when some magic doctor sells medicines to cure all sort of diseases
these lure the curious and the hopefuls .
Crowds of ppl gathered around a hospital to see their favourite star /Icon recover .
Crowds that stand outside ration shops waitning patiently for sugar or rice to take back home .
Crowds packed on a friday outside a popular theatre anticipating a good movie hoping to be entertained .
Crowds that miraculously gater around ppl having an argument , some watch , some interfere some intervene , some try and bring peace ,
well most others move their tongues with greatest speed .

Crowds that collect outide courts or police stations for want of justice .
Crowds that protest .
Crowds that raise thier voice against injustice .
Crowds to mourn the death of their star .
Crowds to congradulate successful candidates .
Crowds to collect freebees given by hopeful politicians to get free saris , free rice and ration nowdays free colour television sets !

Crowds that gather around an accident victim and do nothing
but stare or shake their heads vehemently ...
only one will rise to take that patient to the hospital ....

Crowds that jeer .
Crowds that mock .
Crowds that wait the good news to change their fortune .
Crowds that turn violent ... pelt stones
Mobs that attack public property anti social elements that cause chaos
Mobs that kill ruthlessly .
Set houses ablaze .....
But the strongest crowd was that one which demanded freedom
which walked the dandi march in protest to exploitation ....
Those that walked in protest to The Vietnam war ....
Its time to stir a crowd
to mbve a crowd , to make a change , to make a differnce ....
Guess we're still waiting for that kind of crowd .

And so I shall complain ......

Love struck Romeo .......
You and me babe how about it....?
And Juliet ........

The son of Karnataka is no more so we are mourning no cable TV or
leaving the viscinity of my home for fear of stone pelting .
So the whole day was spent doing nothing absolutely nothing just waiting for the phone to ring or something to happen this is called boredom !

Any ways Dire Straits Romeo and Juliet playing in the back ground .

I've always wondered what is the fuss about all this love....
I mean you need a companion to share your highs and lows so you need someone but this
I love you and all is so cliche .
I somehow feel this could never happen to me .

Yeah ! I've gone out with men actually boys but none have made me feel so intense like I would always want to be with them .
I mean there were nice a few of them total freaks but those Mills and Boons type none .
Do such things exsist ?
I mean a kiss like dream .........
and my heart pounding with immoderate desire for his hands to caress me .....

I was reading Eric Swegal's Love story it was beautiful .

I feel these sort of books shouldn't be written , firstly I felt a pang of depression
for inreality I know this will never happen to me .
There is no such thing as selfless love blah blah ...
Secondly it's horrible to imagine it knowing you stand a one in a million chance of feeling those emotions ....

This Valentine day is another ironic event it's supoosed to be the day where one professes his/her true love well actually where he/she spends sleepless nights deciding what is to be bought which will fit in the budget .
Added to that if you don't have a special person then you suffer bouts of lonliness and of course ostracism and you are force to see red all over .........
EEks ........I somehow don't get the total Funda
obviously it's a Marketing gimmich that is baned by exitermists in our capital
but still poor St. Valentine has no idea how young girls and boys
loathe / dread / await this day ....

I don't why I'm sayng all this may be I secrety want to belive in all this to feel like everyone erlse but i'm way too opinionated to be one among the crowd so I shall complain ........

The past few days

While I sit in this claustraphobic computer room which
btw like all other rooms in MCC doesn't have ventilation .
I'm trying in vain to write some clever lines but nothin seems to come into my mind write now . So I shall go with the flow.

Well the past couple of days have just passed in a sorta lull .
I can remember vaguely what happened through this week after graduation one outing I put with my school friends to wipe away the blues of CAT class which btw is going terribly and I couldn't feel more dumb with all the quant classes .
Lord have mercy ! Give me some brains to understand math !

On monday we went to Manipal hopspital to visit Rumchick's mum the
hospital was like some five star hotel .
The air conditioned rooms was a great welcome after the beating heat of Bangalore .
I don't know why the f*** B'lore is become soooo hot !

On tuesday we heard that a senior of ours passed away in a freak accident .
A group of friends went out for a swim to a lake in the outskirts .
Not forseeing a tragedy that would grip them there .
Just like always they had lot of fun splashing around when suddenly
they slipped and found themselves grasping for breath ,
with great difficulty they managed to come to shore only realising that
one of their friends was still in the water .
In vain they tried to find her and dived several times inside .
Alas it was too late she couldn't be saved .

Bad enough they have to live with the fear of almost loosing thier lives and seeing one of their friends disappear also her parents blame the friends for the whole incident .

Sometimes we always think that these sort of things could never happen to us .
We take it for granted that we are going to live for a long time . In our zest to live life to the fullest we forget to take these small precautions and the result fatal in her case .

I've always been impulsive and never declined an invitation for a boat ride in the weedy Hebal lake or a swim else where . Now I wonder what if something like that happened when I went out .We always think that our parents are way too cautious
but at times like these its better to be that way than meet with such a tragedy .

I shrudder to think of what her friends must be going through and I 'm sure this is a lesson to many of us that life is too precious and we shouldnt take it for granted .

This is were I belong

It's graduation today rather a few more hours to go .....

I've been in the portals of Mount Carmel College for the past four years it's alomost like
every tree knows my voice ,
every wall knows my touch ,
every dog responds to me calling it ( btw dogs are an integral part of mcc) .

This is the place where I came of age ,
where I had my first crush , My first heart break ,
My first kiss ,
The first drink ,
The frst class I bunked , The first date ,
The first cat fight , My first elections ,
My first fest , my first play ,
My first trip alone to iit povai ,
The first trip abroad ,
The first attendance shortage problem ......
And many more firsts .....

I have met people who have taught me so many things about life and it's strange ways .
Some who in ther wierdness freaked me out (siham ) some a true delight ,
many more who in their own ways have shaped the person I am .

These four years have just gone by so quickly ......
As i sit back and ponder images come through of laughter , of the times I got caught for sleeping in class ,
the taste of success , the union in Puc and now in the degree .
I am so fortunate to have had such adventurous experiences and some great friends .

As another batch graduates I feel a part of my self will leave me .
I have been really close to these seniors neglecting my classmates and now
barely having any friends in my batch !

How am i gonna manage ?
There will be no familiar face to greet me through the campus
no one to take my ass , no one to go cry to ,
no one to shout at me ....
Oh I am gonna miss em !

Why do ppl have to part ?
Why can't we always be with the ppl we like .
I think the hardest thing to say is good bye .

We may be miles apart , the coarse of life may take us towards differnt corners
but I'm sure one thing will never change that is the love for each other all those
lovely times spent will be cherished .

Full senti is happening i'm gonna , miss these guys sooo much .

I wish

When I was small .
I'd read Enid Blyton and dream that one day I'd go to the mountains in a caravan .
Fly into te skies .
Chase smugglers .
Explore castles and dungeons.
Make secret night trips .
Have a larder filled apple tarts , pinapple cakes and appricot pies .
Have a dog I'd keep in my cycle carriage .
Have mysteries to solve .

Go down to the stream and bathe .
Take a boat to an island .
Take a trip in an air balloon .
Whistle .
Work in a circus .
Ride on a lion .
Play with tigers .
Talk to the trees .
Meet elves and tooth fairies .
Eat lots of cotton candy and ice creams .
Climb big mountains and swim across the sea .
Find treasure and gold coins .
Play in the night wit the moon and stars .

Why do we grow out of such dreams ........

Wish you were here

Wish you were here

To see the rise and fall of the waves ,
To smell the air around the sea ,
To taste sweet salt .

To hear the hissing of the shells ,
To feel the warmth of my arms ,
To stir to the noise of the big waves ,
To walk the sandy shores hand in hand ,
To lie naked among the ruins ,
To bask in the sun ,
To make sand castles ,
To feel the earth and close your eyes to open them
to find the stars looking down at you .

Wish you were to hear my soothing voice singing folk songs ,
To see my eyes that speak of immense love for you ,
To understand what i want to say ,
To see what I could do to you

Oh I wish you were here .

Today

It's three in the noon .
I'm sitting in the U room , smelling stale food .
Enjoying the music , and feeling so happy .

Well today is one of those days that makes you feel so elated .
The weather is perfect the ground is spread with yellow and brown leaves shed from tall trees .
The wind blows through your hair sometimes whispers things in your ears.
The sun is out peeps through cotton woolly clouds .
I feel like jumping and singing out loud .
I feel like doing cart wheels and giggling like mad .
There's that spring in my step and if I could whistle I'd do just that .
Life seems perfect almost I just need to loose a little weight eat a little less study a little more
but otherwise everything is going great .

It's holi .
I'm going to get my face smeared with colours and drink Bhang .
I just love this festival it signifies happiness that after a spell of dry winter the cries of birds beings the season of spring , a season of hope and life .
The place looks so beautiful .
You should see the yellow flower trees in B'lore .
The side walks are carpeted with fallen flowers and leaves.
The old and young come out for evening walks .

All the morose souls I feel get a lease of new life .
The bright sunny days and cool evenings ......

Ah! Why am I feeling so happy I know not . Just that happy sorta high after a tequila shot.
Today the sort of day I would want to thank my friends for being there for making me who I am , my parents for bearing with me, and all the ppl who have taught me something about life and it's strange ways .

Wish I could fly into tat far away horizon,
Wish I could sit on that rainbow and inspect every hue ,
Wish I could run into open fields with the wind in my hair and the sand in my feet,
Wish I could climb up a mountain peak and smell fresh pine,
Wish I could swim in the huge ocean , Play with lambs,
Jump into space and drift away ,
Wish I could make everyone around me feel as happy as I'm feeling today
Wish I could have more days like this .

I'm soooo happy yipee!

While I rant

If you want to leave foot prints in the sands of times
Stop sitting on your butt all you will leave is butt prints.....

Nobody is perfect but I am nobody

When I was a child I caught a glimse ,
out of the corner of my eye .
I turned to look but it was gone .
I cannot put a figer in it now .
The child is grown the dream has gone .
I have become comfortably numb......

Pink Floyd

Art of hating

Things I hate ........


I hate it when ppl ask you
so what do you wanna do ?
Thats the most humilating question when you haven't figured out
the answer when your twenty.....
I hate ppl who think looks matter .
I hate ppl who judge others without knowing them .
I hate ppl who are superficial.
I hate hypocrites .
I hate Liars actually I never study
I just happened to get some 90 in this exam you see.....

I hate ppl who don't allow me to talk .
I hate it when ppl irritate me when I wanna be alone .
I hate yelling at others .
I hate the guilt trip mum put's me thorugh .........
I've done so much for what have you done all
I ask is you to study well and speak the truth .........

I hate ppl who say crap like she's so fair ya sh'e so black ya.....
ugggg colour doesn't matter .

I hate the feeling of emptiness.
I hate loosing . I'm a terrible at accepting defeat .
I hate being wrong .
I hate being bored .
I hate being angry .
I hate ppl who get hurt by my sarcarsm.
I hate ppl who say say they understand what I'm feeling but can't comprehend what I say.

I hate sharing chocolates , kajal and shoes .
I hate ppl who don't agree with me
I hate it when things don't go my way

But what I hate the most is giving up ........and setling for mediocre .

And the award goes to.....

This is something I was subjected to some real thought provoking movies
To name a few......

Neal and Nikki.....

Yes I'm the Neal I'm the man rock star superstar
Nikki bakshi sweet and sexy full on rocking hot an happening .

Ahh what profound meaning that para has .
Well the movie even better .
I dragged my union friends to watch the movie much to my surprise
the movie outdid my expectations of it .
Such a moving and gripping story told admist some foreign locales a
nd groovy songs and bikini wear .
Wow one thought I was left with what lotion do you use ?
Really those bra advertisements should take a leaf out of you movie .
Sir this is far the most thought provoking movie .
Surely it was worth the Rs 55 ticket .

memorable quotes
" Your fired " " you can't fire me cause I quit " .
"What's your line "
Deep I would say if any of you discepher the meaning please enlighten me .


Mangal Pandey

This movie was about the man who started the revolt of 1857 ,
which our text books hail as the first war of Independence .
Moving really .
All that we saw was his untamed mush !
But what of it looks also is important to feel the charecter .
Not to forget the dance sequences yes yes great choreography and
just how did that fit in the story .........
still if History text books would only be so intersting !

Kwahish

This was The ambitous Mallika Sherawat debut .
The movie simply realistic . It could happen to you too.
Village girl meets city dude . Fall in love .
Whilst intense love making takes place in all places including rocks and car back seats
they bring out a point of social relevance
"Babuji aap Condom use karte hain ? "
giggle giggle sigh sigh
what a way to reach the use of Condoms to masses really great strategy to make the lay man know the importance of Condoms .
You have acted like a socially responsible citizen .
The ending the most painful ........
Mallika has cancer or TB or Brain tumour all mean the same anyways
medical terminology is of no importance .
She dies .
While the hero sobs and holds on to the girl's father .
Wow what emotion .
BTW did that mean he turned Gay .
There again you have proved to be of deep significance to make society understand that being gay is also natural it could happen to anyone you see.

To the road romeos

Well It's womens day ......
Admist all the celebration .
I stop think what are the few prviledges we enjoy .
Besides bringing in a generation we aren't really a blessed lot .
With PMS every month I won't actually call us lucky !
The labour pains it's another thing that really scares me......

Coming to things that effect me now .......
well several but the most annoying thing are these eve teasers !
You find them in most nook and crannies .....
The typical are the wanna be studs who come over and say " Nice ya "
They I rate as tolerable .

The second types The ones who do wheeles on bikes those who wear goggles even when it's not hot and sing song like " Oh ! darling please come I love you maximum "
or " what is mobile number " These all so are ok ,
though their just cracked voices are quite un bearable .

The third types are the scary creepy ones you find them with thier
d *ck hanging out or whistling at street corners .
Real pricks and some even dare to come near foot paths and vigourously stress bust with thier hand on the girls you know where..... these are the most humilating ones !
Your are so shocked that you can't react by the time you do so he has sped fast .
Real disgusting men can be . Such perverts !
I
would like to narrate a situation

My friend and I where shopping at Brigades where we spotted this typical pervert the one who leches at you, if I could I would give him a BIB yuck drool allover ,
his tongue reaching the ground .
We deceided to walk it from brigs to coms street much to our dismay he followed us ,
peeved we tried to ignore him after a while we walked faster so did he .
We not knowing what to do walked along .
After half the distance was covered our stud maccha arrives in front of us taking two steps forward reaches out for my friend's wrist twists it gives her a good boob massage and runs away while I stare ahocked .
I hate my self for that I was too shocked to r act .
After we grabbed our wits it striked us as to how close we were to getting molested .
We silently went back home .
Now it enrages me I should have atlest called him names ..... pah ! what a total looser .

Anyways there are some boys who think it's really " cool " to pass comments at passing girls well cowards it aint .
IT's highly cowardly of you guys to do something like that .

Some really cheesy lines......

"Kya cheez cut piece "
"ehh maccha 36 26 36 ra "
" What your size "
"how much do you charge "
"Aaati khandala ?"
"TOO much raa "
" hot hot raa ayo I want feel that ra "

Ya that is how corny it sounds just picture your self walking about subjected to such humiliation
It's extremely disgusting .
So do not allow eve teasers or condone such actions .
Unless you make a noise nothing will ever happen .
Cheers women we rule !
Don't let some loosers get away with such crap .

Here's to the aunties

As I said there will be more on these aunties who leave no stone unturned to torture you .

Well yesterday we had guests who wanted to see the new house ( which btw is two years old )
So they peeked around and said nice nice nindda bagundee ......
After peering around the whole house they thought they might as well
check out the inhabitants of the place .

So I was the first one .
Mum : " Why have you come shorts go change ppl have come "
I : " So ... aren't you'll ppl too"
Mum : " Don't talk too much What will they think ?"
I : " uggghh........" .

As always I had to come down and smile and say
Namaste yettla undaaru... which means hello how are you ?
So after the initial introduction I am doing B'com( Yes I colud have also done engg or medicine but you see I thought there are other professions too )
I can sing , dance and play the veena ( also bite of your ears if you ask me to
do any of those now ) .

They look at my photogaraphs a ritual every one does who visits home
After scanning through them for a while ..........

Aunty No. 1 " She looks very nice in the photos but in real life she's not so nice also "
Aunty No. 2 stares at it for two minute and then nods her head vigourously .
While mum gives that I told you to change look .

Hello ppl those are photos of a portfolio with me in dance costume and make up
like obviously I'd look diiferent in it .....
Duh you can't expect me to wear that costume
and jewellery and parade all day long ....!

After a while trying to make conversation with me
Aunty No. 1 " congardulations "
I " huh why ?"
Aunty No.2 " what a beautiful house "
I " huh..... why "
Aunty No.1 " after your father this house will be yours only no "
They nod , wink and laugh .
I sigh .....and smile politely .
What on earth was that statement supposed to mean......
how could you make such idiotic statements but then again it was them ....

After this really irritating conversation I had to serve them , a ordeal indeed
Enter me with two trays trying to balance both ......

Aunty No.1 " why all this trouble ma"
Aunty No.2 " I don't want anything " while bringing her hand forward to take a muruku !

After that they start gossiping in velocity that could beat any automobile
while mum stands nodding her politely .

Well since they have spoken about almost everyone , they think it's appropriate to ask a few more questions like
How's your husband 's business ? how much does he earn ?,
How much do you pay for your maid ?
Why do you have to work ? You don't need money , do you ?
Why did he get marries so late ( he meaning uncle ) ?

While mum tries to evade those questions I fled .

As i reached my room I heard them advice my mum why don't you put sandalwod and turmeric face pack for your daughter within ten days she will become fair ......!

Abbbha these aunties belong to some other planet ..........
Their energies peak when they have to talk about other people !
Cheers to their stories and advices .......
aunties you'll are a couple of jobless loosers !

I promise

Last night as I was trying to cram in maximum for the
Costing exam ( which btw sucked !) .
I heard the sound of gentle rain against my window pane , unable to concenterate I stood by
the window .
I wondered what my future has in store for me .
All sort of arbid things came into my mind
(ps : at most wrong times my mind will try to seek answers instead of doing whats required like mugging costing ) .

I thought of the past four years in college , It's highs and lows , All the ppl I meet and their strage ways, All the men I've seen and gradually loathed .
All the things I've learnt admist embarressment and laughter .
Some tough lessons and the growing I had to do .

I remebered the day I entered the portals of MCC i promised myself I will do whatever I felt like learn and freak out but never will I settle for
" The mediocre , never will I allow myself to perform averagely "
Thats the worst thing to do...... settle for mediocre . It's unpardonable .

I made several more promises last night as it rained .......

I promise to take things in my stride ,
never losing hope or letting my goal go out of sight ,
I promise never to let emotions come way of reasonable thinking ,
I promise never to let anyone or anything come between my dreams and me ,
I promise never to break another boy's heart ( I do feel guilty *sometimes*) .
I promise never to give up until I reach trhe mountain top
and never to let anything other than the top distract me .
I promise tha no matter where life takes me I will never forget
the small things in life
to smell the earth after a rain, to smile when I see the sunset ,
To argue with Nainamma about short tops and boys ,
to thank god for each passing day .

I promise never to give up ,
I promise to never let the child in me die ,
I promise never to loose that sense of wonderment ,
nor feel too big in front of the ocean
I promise to remain the crazy individual I am ......
I promise never to settle for mediocre

( I also promised never to study last minute but that's something I say after every exam )

How long

There are many places I've been to ..........
some through fantasy some with my father .
Every year come May we'd go on a family holiday .
Those fifteen days mum would get all the rest she'd need to battle out another year
whilst me and dad all the excercise to eat the buffet breakfast and lunch .

It's spring time .
It just rained last night the earth smells wonderful ,
it's aroma fills my nostrills and lighten's my heart .
I went out for a jog this morning and what a beautiful sight the road
was carpeted with pink and white flowers , while the birds chirped .
Yes , one can still hears such sounds in Bangalore .
As I ran along the curved road towards the lake I felt like I was on a holiday far away from the madening crowds and distance away from reality ( my prelims !!) .

An odd sorta of calm I felt being so close to Mother Nature .
I stopped to catch my breath and was real lucky to spot
a butterfly coming out it's cucoon ........

I remember the story they used tell us in school about how one day a boy in his eagerness to help the butterfly come out of it's cucoon , left it grounded for life making it unable to fly .

This sorta reminds me of my parents in their zest to protect their daugter they won't allow me to experiment and fall and learn on my own .
They try to sheild me from the real harsh world but for how long I ask?
How long will you try to hide me from the real world with rules and regulations .
Am I not old enough to learn on my own .

If you'll had your way I would probabaly would never have learnt the car or the bike or even Bungee jump but those things have taught me much that you couldn't have .
The first time I crashed into the tree made me aware of road rage and maniac drivers and of course that car repairs are expensive !
That bunjee jump I saved five hudred bucks for I felt surreal above all earthlings it was some intoxication .

Ma and dad I do know I'm impulsive and rebellious but don't you think I ought to explore the world and it's ways on my own without you guiding me .

Somehow I feel limited in this world you've shown me , in your zest to give me everything
you've probabaly given me too much or too little .

I want to do things at my will take decisions on my own and be responsible for it alone .

I have tried in vain to explain to you I have rebelled , fought endlessly ,
argued till dawn about freedom and other such things but it was turned down simply because
I am still too young .
When will you ever accept it that I have grown i'm a big gir , l I can handle my self a bank account and the car too .
I need me space too . I need to fly to spread my wings and touch the sky .

So please please let me go for that Ladhak trip with my friends
You've given me so much so many lovely holidays but this will be different .

How long should I wait
how long will it take for me to be "old enough "
Please don't turn this down ......
It's ladakh !!!!!

Some days

As one day trips into another the days seem to just pass without any difference with the usual monotonous rouutine rise and dress "NON PROVACATIVELY " and go to college.
Mundane and non inspiring life just seems to move on
I amble about without any motive or spirit .

But it's when days like these happen you feel it's worth getting up ....
Well today I went out with a Couple of my coll friends
(yes I have made a few friends besides the union) .
So after Opus BTW our regular hang out the tropical coolers are so yummy !
we went to Mojos a must be place for beer lovers .
The place is real neat Charpai's on the floor low seaters great music likes of Bob marley and Beatles and beer of course (abbbbbha ! If my mum just reads this no she'll freak out )
Some great conversations over beer .
yeah that's it !
Even last saturday was fun I met this brilliant guy who could go up in the air No i'm not kidding he can raise him self from the ground yeah levitate it's called .
He ranted some theory titled "THE HUNT " Theory it made alot of sense .
To you pi i wish i had the honour of treating you to another beer sometime may be .

The thing that most ppl lack I feel is the ability to laugh at themselves.
I mean it's hard but it's fun , see if you don't laugh at your self U may be missing out on the joke of the century !
Why i say this , as usual ppl were pulling my leg I had no come back lines only saving grace were swear words that I kept incanting but to no avail .
Pah ! the only consolation is I at least manage to entertain some ppl .
Somethings we were discussing If you could would u change the past I know there is no use dwelling on the past follies it's made me what I am but I really wish I could alter a few things .
Would save soo much embarressement ! and cut down on some wild tales !
If wishes were horses ........


So just to finish off I had fun
thanks ......
I really needed that .

As I read the other inane blogs I've written will I ever grow up !
Oh god please let me write something decent .
Something that I'd feel proud to show my children .

Well alas ! I've gotta live with the limited brains that god has generously put in my head .

This about some not nice experiences

I was in second grade after being the crowning glory in the last year's play Rumplestilskin where I played the dwarf Ram... himself guess that indeed effected my height and I remain vertically challenged .
I thought that this year too I would be a star .
Well my dreams were short lived .

My class teacher made me the crow ......
also adding that since I was BLACK I'd be perfect

How could she be so rude I was deeply hurt .
Apartheid !!! That to when most Asians are supposed to have wheatish skin .

It was then that I knew that looks did matter but my daddy said I was his little princess.
So how did I graduate to become this crow.
Well thanks to swimming in Ulsore pool but yet that was a statement that still irritates me now .

One of the several boy's I went out with had the fuckin audacity to say " You're actually charming even though your dark ! " like hello what the hell is that supposed to mean man ? Is fair beautiful ?
looser no wonder I dumped him .

WTF as a kid I remember my aunts every summer would engage in the odious task of making me fairer by scrubbing milk cream cucumber and tomato face pack but in vain .
I remained tanned for all their efforts. It didn't ever occur to me that if i was black I could never get a good looking bride groom .

Even till date in marriages those painful aunts who gossip say she's nice only her colour is little dark other wise she's a good looking girl
Pah ! will anyone tell me what the fuss is all about .
why black is beautiful , it's extremely sexy
haven't you'll heard of dusky beauties !!!

Well recently I went to marriage the worst place to be .
I get some two offers Yes I mean marriage proposals !
I don't think they know what they are asking for .
Well the usual Oh I saw you when you were this small (indicating the size of half a foot ) my you've become a big girl !
Oh I would never know if you didn't tell me .
Wow what a brilliant observation ! Really you must get the noble prize for research.
bloody it's been some fifteen years since you've seen me !
After that I got the usual.....
OH your doing B.Com ? oh why your not doing medicine or comp Engg
Bah !!! there are other professions too.... !

Well aunties and Grand mas There's more To a girl than marriage and black skin .
Will write more about the other experiences.....

AUNTIES you guys are mad !!!! jobless !!!

IF

If you can keep yor head when all about you
Are loosing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
And make allownace for their doubting you too,
If you can wait and not be tired of waiting ,
Or being lied don't not deal in lies ,
Or being hated ,Don't give way to hating ,
And yet not look too good nor talk to wise .

If you can dream and not make dreams your master;
If you think and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat these two imposters just the same ,
If you can bear to hear the truth spoken about you
twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools ,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop down and build them up with worn out tools .

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
with a sixty second worth of distant run,
Yours is the Earth and everything in it ,
Which is more you will be a man ,My son .

Rudyard kipling

He makes so much sense

My eyes search for thee

I looked yonder and saw your face a little hidden,
but there you were there through the
curves and bumps of that road ,
over the bridge and into the county .

Through long nights and fall time ,
With every passing breeze came your voice calling out for me ,
Your the one who wakes me up from my dreams at night ,
Who I feel I've spent my child hood ,
Part of my fantasies ,
Part of my future ,
Art thou still there helping me through all my battles ?

Aren't you the one who sings love songs and writes love notes
Oh I'm halucinating again .
Wish you were here .
Were you here ? have you come have you gone ?
have we ever passed ?


PS : is for that charming prince who might have come and gone but my eyes still search for thee

I sure did have a time of my life

Hi folks

This exclusively is for MCC union 2005 - 06

Love you guys alot !

Another turning point a fork stuck in the road
time grabs you by the rest directs you where to go
so make the best of
it's not a question but a lesson learnt in time
It's something unpredictable but in the end is right
I hope you had the time your life .........!

The year that passed was awesome all thanks to the union ,.

From freshers day making orange juice !
To cul week's dus dance and our crowning glory
Cul- ah! 06 House Full ! wasn't it a grand year .....?

To take you down memory lane .......
Last year at the graduation day we met as strangers wondering if these were the creatures ,especially our honourable president had doubts about our lovely asst. cul sec Sam .
I had about my fellow treasurer Nidhi who talked inseccantly, coming from me she's quite a talkative one don't ask her about rockets or B'lore routes she will never stop .
Well no one believed me when I said there is a Ganesh tok and Hanuman tok in GANGTOK !
goobes NOW YOU KNOW ?

Anyways after this we had Me teaching our 'vice' prez to sing
"one one hindi song one one day two two lines"
so I started with "Kal ho na ho " To the car reversing sound it was in 'shruthi 'but the rest just laughed .

Then me ayesha aka Shakalaka and bola joblessly watched anaitha's video of Malarey instead of attending classes .We learnt the whole song language of course was no barrier .

We then met during the vaccation a rather serious meeting which of course our dear shakalaka preeceded.

Then the year began with us doing the registration for Bus services which after our tireless efforts didn't happen !
Then came Freshers week which resulted in an orange U- room and sore throats as we had two big cans of orange juice which jeru got high on !

When Cul wek came is when catastrophy struck we saw ayesha in full wrath
"I want sponsors " "what the hell do you think your doing "
"where is the money" "this is just sad " "I want more money"
" Can you not sit on the comp and go out abd gety sponsors !"

To Frankfin- "You think you can fool us I would tell the head office if you don't give us the money in full this is unproffesional behaviour " Ayesha threatning to kill our sponsor

Those were the days were Ayesha was possessed literally I stayed away
platinum sponsorship ....! rUN AWAY !

After our efforts we made alot of money and both the treasurers became friEnds whilst bola got yelled at for ditching me between her Chickpet trips .

Well then came Sports day and Teachers day the less the better
Niknish it seems for their faces !

Finaly Cul- AH! Started work work work and eat food from little emphire with sweat shirt money !
u thought I didn't know ayesha !

Well Cul ah ! was just awesome it rocked we actually did it !
Just the day before
Ayesha gets the jitters yells at us
Bola puts one of her many tantrums "shut up kiki"
"ur being mean to sneha " like I care
anyways between all that we tried to keep sane .
The day before Cul ah ! our shakalaka throws up and is ill so we like good friends go to her house at eleven in the night her initial re actions "ur kidding me " ur mad "
latter reactions "your kidding me " .

Well that night was the best our bitching session went on till 3 am whew ! it was too cool .
Then we had to pick up IIT boys at 5am so I with my 650 hair cut
went to the station and combing my hair did work "wink wink "

Cul- ah! went on like a dream and on the finale we danced and cried

Tears of joy of accomplishment of sadness that it was all over and of course Fatigue .
PS: heartless Ayesha didn't cry as she was "de -hydrated ! "

Well monday was our teat the one big union family .
Feasted in THE leela .
While me and nidhi carried hunders of hundred rupee notes !
I was high on Champagne .
The bill was 15000 .
Our photos were real good .

and from then on I wanted to write this peice for you guys " the Union "

Moments these are moments of love
Moments come walk with me now
Moments (go high ) if we are there or not there tomorrow
we shall remember
Walk don't think.... It's a small life after all
Tomorrow if we meet then it will be our good fortune
We if there or not will remeber you ...........

Loved every 'moment' spent with you'll .
I will cherish this year cause you've made it so special .
I wish we would always be friends .
I wish you'll allthe happiness in the world .
I wish this year would rewind .
I love you'll .

TO our shakalaka "bhooton ki rani shaitano ki mallika "
Jeru "jeru niki"
Bola i love u Text twist and tetris rules.
Sam COME ON" lalus "
Rithika we'll tie friendship band next year I'mstill trying to make friends
Nidhi "Rumchick ramba " will miss you and your adventourous car trips
and our kids pu reps chen nehal and sanjana

Cheers UNION we are the best
Thank you

Cry cry clap clap
remember these "moments "

Art thou Indian

Ok i'm not being prejudice but it's some common very desi
charecteristics that most of us indians have

You can always add more

Your Indian If :

• Everything you eat is savoured in chilli powder dripping with oil or filled with ghee .
• You still use steel utensils .
• You re-use plastic boxes that you get free or as take ways .
• You re use gift wrappers aluminum foil and gift boxes .
• You can't leave home without fod in your bag .
• There are at least three people who come to see you off at the station even if your going only for a day
• You address all ppl older than you as uncle or aunty .
• You live with your parents until your married or for ever .
• You have atleast ten second cousins and discover new relatives at every social function .
• You buy things at discount sales or when you get free gifts with it .
• You always like to know whether its a "LOVE " or "ARRANGED" marriage .
• If your at the airport your standing next to the two largest suitcases .
• You think it's normal to attend a party two hours late !
• Your children are named in rhymes like sita and gita, bunty and monty, kinni and pinni .
• Your children have pets names which is no where near to their original names like keerthana and chickoo!
• You talk at leat for an hour at the front door before saying good bye .
• Your parents wioll tellyou not to care about what your friends think of you but they will not allow you to do things because "Uncles and Aunties " will not approve of it .
• You use grocery bags to hold your garbage .
• You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker .
• You fight over who pays dinner bills .
• You majoured in law medicine or engineering .
• You never use measuring cups while cooking .
• You've never stood in a queue .
• You make long distant calls only after 11 pm in the night .
• You keep bed sheets on sofas so that they do not get dirty (my mum does that) .
• When you dine out you think that 10 Rs tip is enough .
• It's embarassing if your wedding has less than 600 people .
• You list yoyur daughter as "Fair and Slim " no matter what she looks like !
• All your tupperware is stained with food colour .
• You have mastered the art of bargaining .
• You watch soap operasor atleast love commenting when your family watches them .
• Every festival ensures new clothes even if the last festival was two days ago .
• You cry when the hero dies in the movie and curse the villain .
• You wake upto the loud speaker blarring god songs in the morning or your grand ma chanting .
• You love home made sweets and snacks .
• You enjoy anything that is free .
• You love cricket and Sachin Tendulkar.
• You comment about the government but never vote .
• You think use of Contraceptives will cause serious problems .
• You tell your children that babies are given by god and never talk openly about SEX .
• You feel that loosing your virginity before marriage is a sin .
• You believe in good and bad days and other such omens .
• You believe that God will punish you if you do not feed the poor when someone dies in you house .
• You Love America and wish to get a bridegroom from there for your daughter .
• AND most of all you loved reading this .

hope you guys agree .

Hmmm

Why the fuck did you have to come into my life ?
I was so happy in my cucoon of ignorance.
Was happy living my life and trying to put all the things that happened in the past moving ahead .But in you came bringing bedlam .
I didn't ask for you .
I was least bit attracted.
I braely noticed your presence or absence . You didn't even exsist .


It was you who made the first move and several more steps after that .Why did you make this foray into my reverie breaking its silence and peace showing me light and promising me the spring and suddenly vanishing .
I didn't beg for your attention ask for you to approve my exsistence nor pleed thy love but you strode right in took liberty of my lonliness and beningn nature
came close made me dream and made me morose .

A sense of Deja'vu prevails what is surreal and what is real I know not
Were you actually there or was I halucinating ?
Did you even care may be I was one of your many play things
that you chose to pick use and throw .

Does this all mean the same to you as it does to me ?
or was I just another person who 'was' in your life someone in the past .
Someone you'd want to forget .

Guess these questions will never be answered and thats the way it should remain for I fear it will say things I don't want to hear things I'm happy being blind to .
I fear it will cause too much harm.......... much beyond repair

Are you thinking of all this
I'm sorry but yoy will always be my best friend
sorry I didn't feel the butterflies or the rush

ps: was written after I broke up wid my first boy friend .The first is always most special
awww those were the good old days where there ppl to write for but alas !

The sri sri sri aura ......

Well the much hyped ' Sri Sri bug ' caught my darling mother too.
The result I was dragged much against my wishes .
I whined screamed argued with logical reasoning but nothing worked .
Friday evening I was faced with the ordeal of looking from my terrace at the Jakkur areodrome, a thing i generally like doing but not today
when my mother insisted I did the BREATHE IN AND OUT !
It will calm you down I mocked and laughed.

But alas ! the next evening was an ordeal I was dragged to the venue to see the GURU who had attracted several lakhs of people and who's affinity brought several more crores .

I reached the place sulking thats the only thing you can do with mothers .
We jostled through the madening crowd, people turned up in real large numbers it was packed .
I wondered how many fools exsisted .
How could another man tell you how to live life or rather the art of your life ?
Aren't you the sole owner and moulder of it ?

Nonetheless the sight shocked me there were over 3800 musicians on stage .
A grand symphony it was called and they played some famous Tyagaraja and Dasa Krithis with such grace I was moved .
Suddenly the atmosphere changed into a peaceful shrine and the crowd was so behaved it was as if I were attending a funeral !
The crowd sat through everything with deep reverence rarely making any noise there was no clamour or clutter all was still peaceful and maybe sacred .
What striked me most that so many people had so much faith in this one man who wore white attire and a serene smile upon his face .
They had come from lands far away just to catch a glimse of this man
what did he have to have drawn peole in such magnitudes that too ?
Where they troubled looking for answers , solace peace .
Why did they travel so far ?
Did they belive that this man could change things make them happy probably give them the strength to fight ther daily battels ?
Hope they found their answers .

The collective faith really moved me and much to my apprehension I joined in the bhajans the jubliation of god .
I sang unabashed clapped and felt like a common devotee who had come with faith and hope .
Even if you don't belive in this it's just that by being there experiencing the collective faith your drawn subconsiously to join in .

I must I was impressed during the meditation session thre was pin drop silence .
I'm in awe of this magnetic GURU
really it takes alot to make people come year after year its just phenomenal .

I ME AND MYSELF

* I am not insane but live every minute in it
* I don't believe in prejudice I hate everyone equally
*I love myself the most and those who share the same point of view
*I loathe criticism and ppl who don't agree with me
* I'm a true narssicist
* I believe that my prince charming would come in a shining armour
on a black horse but alas he just rode past
* I'm a dreamer thats my favourite occupation
*Food and music are must haves daily for me to function in a normal fashion (depends on what you'd call normal)
* I start my day with a prayer (my mother would be glad)
* I am taking classes on how to walk and sit like a lady and not to forget how to cook for you have to be armed before you set afoot in the marraige market !
*I am melo dramatic in every sense I like to feel the world revolves aaround me !
*Yes I'm asked this question every other time
what do you want to do in life ?
god damit you think I have a clue ?
If I did I'd probabaly tell the whole world
* I love love love books it's my sanity pill
* I love talking especailly if it's amout me and the day I don't talk means it's fatal
*I like being with ppl but tend to enjoy my company the most
* The perfect day would be just chatting with my friends nothing feels better than a good bitching session
* I make people laugh but I aint sure it's at me or with me but does it matter ?
* I hope to become a stand up commedian most ppl think I'd do a swell job
* I am sacarstic and so love it
* I'm horribly optimistic how do you think I survived all these years ?
* The most embarassing thing ever after short listing several many.....
In a mime solo competition the judge asked me to cahnge attire so i acted and very seductively did the strip tease until all the clothes had come off (i mean acted not literal) the judge said nothin then he takes the mike and says it's not cange ATTIRE but change a TYRE
haha what a good laugh in an all boys college !
* After several trial and errors I've come to the conclusion there is no such
thing as perfect man \guy just as Ufo's they'r imaginary
* The most over rated and over used word is love see I've constatnly used it too
* I'm the most impulsive senseless but cutest thing I never think before I talk hence suffer from the foot in the mouth disease
I can't be angry with anyone for more than a minute
*I just love my self and my life
OK folks if you've lasted this long I must bow and say thank you

Nothingness

Does is always feel this way
to stare into space
without a thought devoid of all emotion

looking at the blank spaces

passing time by just hearing faraway morbid voices
chattering in gibberish
unhearing not making sense

just breathing and not respiring
just seeing but not percieving
just walking not striding
hearing but not listening
holding and not grasping

paralysed to ground
wanting to say so much but when you
open your mouth no sound comes
wanting to laugh and jump but your body is frozen

as if numb refusing to take orders
to feel to hear to see to think
a tidal wave of nothingness

probably this is uncomfortably numb....

My companion

My companion

I got up rather noiselessly but he had woken up too
lifting his eyelids he gave me that smile that just melts you
moving my sheets I wondered how could anyone be so cute
he looked at me longingly as if wishing the night would have lasted longer

I wondered what attracted me to him that I allowed him so close
it was as if he always exsisted I love him and he dotes over me
What would I do without him getting off the bed
I smile thinking of the night that passed longingly I caresses him he kisses me all over

Can there be anything more pure than this love it's strange
and I thought love can never happen ......

It's time to start yet another day I pour the coffee in my mug
and make porridge ready for his breakfast ,
He's watching me while I do this as if he would some day repeat this chore

When it's ready he knows comes right by next to me waiting for his meal which is his right
I pat him and place the breakfast for him
he wags his tail and barks in gratitude and goes to drink his pooridge

oh my doggiee my faithful shadow,my companion

School .... paradise

This is just about my last year in school
I am dam senti about school...
go ahead call me an emotional fool may be I'm that and more
BUT I LOVE MY SCHOOL

Cheers to Xaviers YEAR 2002 - the year that was

As i walk down memory lane I can't but smile so many things in just one year !
I can picture myself in school uniform sitting outside OUR class 10th "B"
and talking and laughing basically being centre of everything .
Right now what image flashes in my mind is me standing there and seeing everything
rewind and seeing myself just as an obserever and a different person in uniform with amu,leesha ,pra,cammi,sruthi just doing my thing talking sitting on the bench outside class,
those steps it seems like it was ages ago.

My heart beats with immoderate desire to just go feel it and come back for just one more time.
School is over I can't believe it. My audi, Sister Emma,
our seating arrangement for ICSE how triumphantly we came out of the
last exam but I felt bad cause I knew it was all over .


Our vows never to seperate to keep in touch always and forever how
good they sounded how void they feel now yet I accept the bitter truth thats life .
My last day in school the pain , agony of seperation the anxiety over
what tomorrow has in store for us the unseen foe the fer of loosing
whatever I have made and at that time I felt close and impotant to.

The way I cried cause I knew the golden era was over of carefree days and free laughter
The way we friends studied for boards from 4 am to 10 am Physics the number of books I used .
Geog how we rembered with boys names ! Eco how I cursed .
How unsure we were yet how cool and calm oh ! there's a month to go , a week to one day to
THE day to the end of it all .

The last time we would wear that blue uniform to the last time the
gates closed to me as a student refused to give a shelter
refused to acknowledge the fact that I was still fresh and young
ignoring the fact that I didn't really want to leace the warm cocoon of school
I wanted to capture every moment every image every experience
and store it where no one could tamper with it .

The last time I looked at that board ST. FRANCIS XAVIERS GIRLS HIGH SCHOOL
blue yet warm and inviting .
The gauva uncle the cycle stand beckoning to visit them as often as possible .
Those friends I knew that would go away with my 10 th std .
That innocence that would be lost in the harsh tough world
that warmth and love no one would ever greet me with .
That smile of every teacher that I would miss. Those values experiences , friends
that I would thank my stars for .

All those lovely memories that time would make more immemorable
and treasure every moment of school life something I can never forget .

Sister Emma and her quaint ways, June singh, Sheefa matthews ,Chandrakala,Neera, PARVATHY, Stupid head Prabhavathy, Jennifer, Sharma ,Hazel, Solomon our basket ball coach , place near the wash basin,Four friends , 5 "B" and 4"B" ,Rumplestilskin, Tiger bomb to 10 th std IT'S been
a beautiful journey a life called school and experience called beautiful and a feeling
called fantastic .

the first step

Hi

This is the first time at blogspot so i'm not too sure what to say a little about myself


I'm crazy...... I'm giggly.....
I'm totally exaggerated ......
A melodramatic queen......
I'm loud and I'M loads of fun ......


Something I believe in

There are no Impossible dreams only your limited perception of what is possible

so hope i learn the art of blogging so long pals ..... namaskara